Predicting Glastonbury

Festival season is well and truly upon us, and with the majority of the major players of the season having announced their line-ups, we sit and wait for the iconic Glastonbury to follow suit. A festival that often manages to avoid rumour leaks and PR disasters, this year the headliners and major artists appear to be more of a riddle than ever. So we at Turks put our thinking caps on to make our predictions.

What We Know

1. Foo Fighters are headlining Friday 

The iconic band will be headlining for the first time, after winning the Best International Group award at the NMEs Dave Grohl and co broke the news themselves. Following the release of ‘Sonic Highways’ the band are assured to bring the show with their infamous grunge rock.

foos

2. Coldplay will not be headlining

Hear that? It’s the cheers of the townsfolk. Coldplay headlined back in 2011 and the performance was a C- at best due to the monotonous try-hard persona of the band’s latest work and last year’s LP ‘Ghost Stories’ was so mournful the thought of seeing that recreated on the main stage was a daunting prospect.

yay

3. Florence + the Machine will not be headlining either.

This is a disappointment. Not only does Florence Welch have the bravado and showmanship to command the Pyramid Stage, the band’s music is momentous enough to draw the whole site to the hedonistic experience. It is also worth mentioning the need for British female headliners is becoming something of a necessity.

readingwomen

What We Don’t Know

AC/DC and The Strokes have both been mentioned numerous times as the possible missing headliners, here are some other options:

1. Björk

The Icelandic innovator has recently been confirmed to top the bill at Wilderness, and yes it would be a risk for Glastonbury’s deal with BBC to turn over headlining duties to one so alternative but can you really imagine anything better than ‘Human Behaviour’, ‘Joga’ and ‘Army Of Me’ on the Pyramid Stage? Thought not.

bjorkmutualcore

2. Elton John

There is no denying the veteran songwriter’s voice is wavering with age yet he still has a plethora of hits to enjoy. When he headlined Bestival back in 2013 he wowed the masses with his shimmering jacket and proficient piano skills and the mass sing-along to ‘Your Song’ was blissful.

elton

3. Kanye West

Take his insufferable arrogance out of the question, Kanye would make a worthy headlining act for the Pyramid. With a discography spanning over a decade and an army of possible guest appearances; my fingers are crossed for a Taylor Swift mash-up of ‘Black Skinhead’ and ‘Blank Space’. Plus imagine the stress he would put the guy in charge of blanking expletives at the BBC through.

kanye

4. Kate Bush

This suggestion would have been laughable pre-2014, yet last year Kate returned to the stage after 35 years and proved to the world that she is one of the most iconic female artists of all time. 2015 also happens to be the 30th anniversary of ‘Hounds Of Love’, playing the album in full would be just fine with me.

kate

5. Prince

He would bring a party, and you all know it. The original king of cool has been a little more active on the UK live scene recently so perhaps a stop-off at Worthy Farm wouldn’t be out of the question.

Prince

(on the phone to Emily Eavis like)

6. Tina Turner

The tempo change in ‘Proud Mary’, that is all.

wiggle

So until then we will just have to wait and see what the Eavis family has in store for 2015, all we no for certain is that it will be better than Kasabian last year.

 

 

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*
*